The duchess of D's

Darlings!

Are we not delightful today? Do we not dazzle ourselves when we spy our reflection in a mirror or shop window? D may well be for delirium and drab but not when we're in town!

D is for Dancing- both Disco (Saturday Night Fever) and Dirty- nobody puts baby in the corner...Nor do they put US in a corner. Not unless they're very brave.

D is for Dangerous Men; checklistbelow:

Eyes- either slightly glazed with too much alcohol or staring intently at you--think snake and mouse, spider and fly, me and vodka. (All the better to see you with)

Clothes- dark, usually black, battered leather jacket, jeans

Natural Habitat- dingy dirty nightclubs (all the better to feel you)

Accessories- cigarettes, whisky, rum, condoms, confidence, a certain sexy stance, an ability to dance, guitar

Mouth- sulky, petulant, generally full lips hiding surpisingly good teeth (all the better to eat you with). One flash of those gleaming gnashers and you're hooked- you'll do anything for another look- BEWARE OF THE DARK SIDE!

Sex Appeal- 100% Need I say more? these men are dangerous, so why do we fall for them? My advice would be to just do it. Get it over with and when they turn out to be a louse- lose 'em.

However...some men look dangerous when actually they are darlings. Johnny Depp- say no more except lucky Vanessa. My very own TB had this edge to him when we first met in a dark and sleazy club, I was hoping for a night or three of pure filth...I'm still getting it 7 months later.

D is for diamonds. Think Marilyn in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. 'A kiss may be grand but it won't be the rental on your humble flat, or help you at the automat'...We all need them if only to pawn when the going gets tough. Invest at once!

D is for Divorce- it's not so bad! Look at Liz Taylor! It's also for DANGER DANGER HIGH VOLTAGE both the signs and the song (Electric Six) I love these signs, maybe I should get one for the front of my house?

Dresses and dinner dates. Be sure you always have one daring dress ready to wear for your dates. You just never know when you'll need it. If your broke, try one of yours on backwards or add loads of beads and leggings then hitch it up with a belt.